


You Ready?

by ObjectPermanence



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bare-Taire, Drinking, Drunken Shenanigans, Multi, Music, Sass, Sexyback, Singing, drunken antics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-24
Updated: 2013-03-24
Packaged: 2017-12-06 07:39:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/733104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObjectPermanence/pseuds/ObjectPermanence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Les Amis invite Enjolras to the bar after a meeting one night, drunken antics ensue.</p><p> Also, the 1000th e/R fic to be published on AO3, party time!</p><p>"Someone should write a les mis au where grantaire gets a drunk enjolras to sing ‘wanted dead or alive’ at karaoke. do it. bonus points if grantaire sings “sexyback”. ultimate riches if there’s hip thrusting too. you win the revolution if there’s poledancing amis."<br/>Prompt by Sassparnasse and francebeforeyourpantsmarius.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Ready?

**Author's Note:**

> I said I would do it, and here it is in all of it's cracky glory. Enjoy.

Enjolras wasn't sure when the beer had been pushed into his hands, or when Bahorel had started going shot for shot with Grantaire. After the meeting he'd let Courfeyrac convince him to join the rest of the Amis at the bar down the street. Apparently it had been something they'd had been doing after every meeting, but never invited him, not that he minded. Combeferre and Eponine were making out in a corner, vodka in the boy's left hand the other cupping the girl's breast. Feuilly and Courfeyrac had hired a stripper, and were laughing their heads off as she gave Joly a lapdance. The hypochondriac was stone still as the girl writhed in his lap, muttering something about STD's under his breath, his cheeks a scarlet red. Bossuet and Marius were completely drunk, and arguing about whether the glass in front of them was half empty or half full, when in reality it had nothing in it.  
"Enj-ras!" Courfeyrac slurred, stumbling up to him with a bottle of wine in one hand. "We're gunna' do the I-pod game!" Grantaire and Bahorel were just behind him, looking like excited little boys.  
"The what game?" He turned away from the bar, facing the intoxicated young men, trying to focus of their faces, and not fall over from drinking so much.  
Bahorel yelled happily, his voice ringing around the mostly deserted bar, "We put someone's I-pod on shuffle, and then you have to sing the song you get! It's fucking awesome!" Grantaire nodded furiously, while simultaneously trying to take a drink from his whiskey bottle, resulting in spilling the drink don the front of his grey shirt.  
"It sounds kinda' stupid. I'll just watch." Enjolras waved his hand at them, and turned back to the bar and sipped his beer thoughtfully. He didn't really drink because he hated being drunk, but when his work piled up and he was stressed enough Enjolras could get close to rivaling Grantaire in drinking.  
"Fine, Combeferre's first!" Bahorel yelled again, slapping Grantaire on the back and laughing loudly. The guide separated himself from Eponine and stumbled towards the group of Amis that had formed near Enjolras.  
"Okay, who's I-pod?" Combeferre pushed his glasses up on his nose, and leaned against the bar. Feuilly handed his I-phone up reluctantly when Courfeyrac elbowed him the ribs. "Alright..." The guide tapped around on the phone for a moment before triumphantly raising it into the air. "J-Beibs, motherfuckers!"  
The crowd let out a drunken cheer as Combeferre marched up to the stage in the corner. Usually it was used for strippers, hence the multiple poles, but now it was going to be used for shitty singing. Hooking Feuilly's phone up to the speakers, Combeferre started the song, and began to sing horribly out of tune. "If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go! I can take you places you ain't never been before! Baby take a chance or you'll never ever ever know! I got money in my hands that I'd really like to blow! Swag swag swag, on you, Chillin by the fire while we eatin' fondue! I dunno about me but I know about you! So say hello to falsetto in three two swag! I'd like to be everything you want! Hey girl, let me talk to you."The entire time his eyes were locked on Eponine's, even when he began to jump up and down during the chorus. "If I was your boyfriend, never let you go! Keep you on my arm girl, you'd never be alone! I can be a gentleman, anything you want! If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go, I'd never let you go! Tell me what you like yeah tell me what you don't. I could be your Buzz Lightyear fly across the globe. I don't never wanna fight yeah, you already know. Imma' make you shine bright like you're laying in the snow."  
The entire room was swaying in time to the music and singing along with a drunken slur added to all of the words. Enjolras watched his friends and downed the rest of his beer, shaking his head as he ordered another.  
"Girlfriend, girlfriend, you could be my girlfriend! You could be my girlfriend until the epic world ends! Make you dance do a spin and a twirl and voice goin' crazy on this hook like a whirl wind! Swaggie! I'd like to be everything you want! Hey girl, let me talk to you! If I was your boyfriend, never let you go! Keep you on my arm girl you'd never be alone! I can be a gentleman, anything you want! If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go, I'd never let you go!" Combeferre switched into a painful falsetto, and took a swig of vodka during the pauses.  
Enjolras turned away from the partying Amis, ignoring the rest of Combeferre's song. Instead focusing on the beer infront of him. "Who's next?" Courfeyrac yelled as the guide finished singing.  
"Me next!" Marius responded grabbing the phone away and tapping furiously until he cam up with a song. He cracked a wide smile before taking Combeferre's place on the stage and plugging in the phone. Marius's voice was oddly similar to the original as he sang along to the recording. "Give me a second, I-I need to get my story straight. My friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the Empire State. My lover she is waiting for me, just across the bar. My seat's been taken by some sunglasses asking 'bout a scar, I know I gave it to you months ago, I know you're trying to forget. But between the drinks and subtle things and the holes in my apologies you know I'm trying hard to take it back. So if by the time the bar closes, and you feel like falling down, I'll carry you home-" The entire group broke into song and began to jump up and down again. Everyone except Jehan and Courfeyrac who were grinding up against each other only inches away from Enjolras. "Tonight, we are young! So let's set the world on fire! We can burn brighter, than the sun! Tonight, we are young! So let's set the world on fire, we can burn brighter than the sun!"  
Grantaire stumbled towards Enjolras and shouted over the noise of the bar, "Courf's next, the you!" He was smiling like an idiot and danced like the upstate New York white boy he was. "Come on! Get the stick out of your ass!" He grabbed Enjolras's wrist and pulled him off of the bar stool and onto the dance floor.  
"Grantaire I can't-" Enjolras started to protest as Bahorel slapped him on the shoulder.  
The cynic shook his head, dark curls bouncing as he moved. "As long as you're not telling me you can't get erections, I don't care! Fucking enjoy yourself for once!" He danced awkwardly, spilling some whiskey on the floor as he laughed happily.  
The call and response began just as Feuilly draped an arm over Enjolras and Grantaire, "Carry me home tonight!"  
" La la la la la la!"  
"Just carry me home tonight!"  
"La la, la la la la la la!"  
"Carry me home tonight!"  
"La la la la la la!"  
"Just carry me home tonight!"  
"The world is on my side!"  
"Carry me home tonight!"  
" I have no reason to run!"  
"Just carry me home tonight"  
"So will someone come and carry me home tonight?"  
"The angels never arrived!"  
"But I can hear the choir!"  
"So will someone come and carry me home!"  
Grantaire jumped into the air a few times with Combeferre and Eponine. "There you go Apollo!" He yelled, cupping his hands around his mouth.  
Enjolras hadn't realized he was doing it, but he'd started to bounce in place along with the others. He stopped immediately, folding his arms across his chest. "I have no idea why I'm even here. I should just leave." He called back, eliciting a groan from the cynic.  
"Are you serious? This is the happiest I've seen you in a long time! You need to loosen up once and a while!" Grantaire passed his whiskey to the blonde, encouraging him to drink. The alcohol burned as he downed a large gulp, but it felt good. "Finally Enjolras! You might actually learn how to have fun now!"  
"Fuck you!" Enjolras retorted, throwing his arms in the air and dancing like a total dork, but he didn't care. The music reverberated through the floor, and the mass of bodies in such a small space made the air hot and heavy. Hands brushed against skin, whose hands and whose skin was a mystery. No body seemed to care about anything else other than dancing like maniacs.  
Marius finished his song and the Amis erupted in cheers and applause. "Marius you rock!" Feuilly yelled as he collapsed into Bahorel's arms, laughing and poking the larger boy in the cheek, making "boop" noises as the did so.  
"Couf' next!' Grantaire yelled, throwing an arm around the center. "Your phone sire." He mocked a bow as the I-phone was handed off. Like the others Courfeyrac tapped for a moment, before taking his place on the stage and plugging the phone in.  
"Alright bitches, prepare for glory." He smirked as the song started and he grabbed the microphone. Grantaire burst out laughing as he began to sing Call Me Maybe in the most seductive tone Enjolras had ever heard. "I threw a wish in the well, don't ask me, I'll never tell. I looked to you as it fell, and now you're in my way. I'd trade my soul for a wish, pennies and dimes for a kiss. I wasn't looking for this, but now you're in my way! Your stare was holdin', ripped jeans, skin was showin'! Hot night, wind was blowin'! Where you think you're going, baby?"  
As he began the chorus Courfeyrac threw himself at the pole in the middle of the stage, abandoning the microphone. Wrapping a leg around the pole, he slid down, and began to writhe around it. "Hey, I just met you! And this is crazy! But here's my number! So call me, maybe? It's hard to look right, at you baby! But here's my number! So call me, maybe? Hey, I just met you! And this is crazy! But here's my number! So call me, maybe? And all the other boys,try to chase me! But here's my number! So call me, maybe?" He twisted against the pole, grinding his crotch against the black metal as he slid up and down, looking at the Amis with a seductive stare. Returning to the mic, he wrapped the cord around his hand innocently, "You took your time with the call, I took no time with the fall. You gave me nothing at all. But still, you're in my way. I beg, and borrow and steal. Have foresight and it's real. I didn't know I would feel it, but it's in my way. Your stare was holdin'! Ripped jeans, skin was showin'! Hot night, wind was blowin'! Where you think you're going, baby?"  
Grantaire was dancing next to Bahorel, his head was thrown back, exposing his pale neck. Dark curls fell around his face, framing his blue eyes, which were crinkled up in a smile. Jehan was visibly effected while watching his boyfriend grind on a pole infront of him, his hand had plunged down into his skinny jeans and he was biting his lip to stifle the whimpers he was making as he jacked off. Enjolras watched Eponine wrap her arms around Combeferre's neck, and put his glasses on her face. He laughed, and punched her in the arm and nuzzled her neck with his cheek. They weren't actually dating, but when ever they got drunk they were all over each other, the rest of the time Combeferre was a blushing mess around her.  
"So, where'd you hide the pole?" Grantaire wrapped an arm around Enjolras's shoulder, interrupting his train of thought. Dark curls fell over the cynic’s forehead, curls that Enjolras frequently fantasized about tangling his fingers into and tugging.  
Pulling himself back to reality he shrugged, "Ask your mom!" Grantaire punched him in the arm, but because he was extremely drunk there was no force behind it.  
"You're up next, Apollo!" He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, "I pit you, following this." He gestured to Courfeyrac, who was pole dancing again.  
Enjolras gave him a disapproving look, "Like you could follow this any better than me." He was really drunk, and wasn't making much sense anymore.   
A loud groan from Jehan, who had just jizzed in his pants, right as Courfeyrac finished his song. Bahorel was standing next to him and yelled "JIZZ IN MY PANTS!" As loud as he could, to the tune of the Lonely island song, making the poet flush bright red. "You're up Apollo!" Grantaire slapped him on the back as the Center jumped off of the stage and began to stage surf. "Go Couf!" He yelled, fist pumping when the Irishman handed Enjolras the phone.  
Clicking the large center button labeled 'shuffle' Enjolras was presented with a song he knew all the words to, he'd had to sing it in primary school. Swallowing his nerves, he took a swig of Grantaire's whiskey and hopped up on the stage. Plugging the phone in, he took a deep breath as the intro to Wanted Dead Or Alive began to play.  
"It's all the same, only the names will change. Everyday it seems we're wasting away. Another place where the faces are so cold. I'd drive all night just to get back home. I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride. I'm wanted dead or alive. Wanted dead or alive!" He yelled into the mic, as Feuilly and Bahorel clapped and wolf whistled loudly.  
"Where's your horse?" Bahorel yelled, and slapped Grantaire on the back. "Go on! Let him ride ya!" Grantaire blushed before racing up onstage next to Enjolras. "Bare back!" Someone from the crown yelled, the cynic complied and removed his shirt before dropping on all fours.  
"Well come on the. Ride me." He looked up at Enjolras with large, expectant, blue eyes and licked his lips seductively. Enjolras paused before lowering himself onto Grantaire's back and continuing to sing.  
"I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride! I'm wanted, dead or alive! Wanted, dead or alive! Oh! And I ride!" As he sang the cynic beneath him bucked up and down, his back rubbing against Enjolras's crotch in the most arousing way possible. He fisted his fingers into the dark curls infront of him and pulled as he rode the smaller man.  
"I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride! I'm wanted, dead or alive! I'm a cowboy, I got the night on my side! I'm wanted dead or alive! And I ride, dead or alive! I still drive, dead or alive! Dead or alive!" he finished the song by placing a hard slap on Grantaire's ass, causing him to cry out unexpectedly. The boy beneath him was panting when Enjolras's let him up.  
"That was amazing." He managed to say in between ragged breaths, as he stood up.  
Enjolras gave him a sly smile, "Not bad yourself." He jumped off of the stage, and threw Grantaire's shirt at his bare chest. "I'm going to the bar." He announced as Bossuet slapped him on the back and Joly high-five him.  
"Eponine's next!" Courfeyrac tossed the phone to her, making Feuilly suck in a nervous breath as his phone was nearly dropped by the drunk girl. "Pick a song dearie!" He cooed, receiving a slap to the face.  
She strode up to the stage, hooked up the phone and gripped the phone. "You know the bed feels warmer, sleeping here alone. You know I dream in color, and do the things I want." Her voice carried through the bar, as she looked directly at Marius with an intense gaze. "You think you got the best of me. Think you had the last laugh. Bet you think that everything good is gone! Think you left me broken down. Think that I'd come running back. Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong!"  
Grantaire sat down next to Enjolras at the bar, "Whiskey." He said to the waitress before turning to the blonde. "So, you're quite the cowboy."  
"Why thank you." Enjolras said flatly, taking a drink from his bottle. "You make a nice horse."  
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger! Just me, myself and I! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Stand a little taller! Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone! You heard that I was starting over with someone new. But told you I was moving on over you. You didn't think that I'd come back. I’d come back swinging.” that is such a compliment coming from you." Grantaire tipped back his bottle with a smirk. "So I'm up next, wish me luck."  
Enjolras nodded, "Yea, break a leg. Or something like that."  
"Get your head out of your ass Enjolras! Come dance!" Feuilly grabbed his arm and pulled him back onto the floor. Grantaire gave him a mock salute and waved, with a smirk on his face. Looking around he spotted Jehan fist pumping while Courfeyrac covered his neck with kisses. Feuilly had abandoned him and was now dancing next to Bahorel with a sweet look on his face.  
Eponine continued to sing her heart out as Enjolras made his way back to an abandoned table. "Thanks to you I'm not a broken hearted! You know in the end the day to left was just my beginning! In the end...What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Stand a little taller! Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone! What doesn't kill you makes a fire! Put that thing on lighter!" He drained the last of his beer, watching Joly and Bossuet as they kissed against the wall.  
He's never really felt alone, but seeing everyone paired off made him feel empty. He didn't have anyone who wanted to hold his hand like Joly and Bossuet did. No body wanted to dance with him like Feuilly and Bahorel. There wasn't anybody who wanted to kiss him like Jehan and Courfeyrac. No one loved him like Combeferre and Eponine. He was completely and utterly alone.  
The cheering of the Amis brought him back to reality in time to see Eponine step off of the stage and race into Combeferre's arms. He lifted her up, and twirled her around as she laughed happily before he planted a kiss on the tip of her nose.  
"I'm up next!" Grantaire jumped onto the stage, leaving his bottle at the bar. "But I will need a few brave souls to join me!" Bahorel grabbed Feuilly's arm and ran towards the stage along with Courfeyrac. "Awesome! Just follow my lead, sing the back up if you know it." He pressed a button on the phone and an electric and overly sensual beat was blasted over the speakers.  
Enjolras's stomach did a flip when he recognized, "He didn't." He muttered as Grantaire began to sing into the mic.  
"I'm bringin' sexy back! Them other boys don't know how to act! I think it's special what's behind your back! So turn around and I'll pick up the slack!" His voice was seductive as the other boys did an improvised dance that involved hip thrusts, and slapping each others asses.  
"Take ‘em to the bridge!" Bahorel called out, landing his hand on Feuilly's backside with a smile.  
Grantaire gripped the mic tighter, and ran a hand through his hair, "Dirty babe! You see these shackles?" Courfeyrac grabbed both of the cynic's hands and tied his tie around them. "Baby, I'm your slave! I'll let you whip me if I misbehave! It's just that no one makes me feel this way!" He let out a sensual groan as the other boy led him towards the pole, wrapping his legs around it he began to dance. Eponine let out a whoop, as he slid up and down. "Come here girl!"  
"Go ‘head be gone with it!" The boys snag out as the cynic straddled the pole.  
"Come to the back!"  
"Go ‘head be gone with it!"  
"VIP!" Enjolras was trying to ignore the growing tent in his pants, and not look as Feuilly removed Grantaire's shirt. His chest was bare again, and he had a proper chance to examine it. He was well muscled, and a dark line of hair trailed from just below his navel, down below his trousers. His pants were slightly baggy on his narrow hips, allowing the tops of his black boxers to poke out of the top.  
Enjolras was snapped back to reality when Grantaire slid off of the pole and grabbed the mic again, "I'm bringin' sexy back! Them motherfuckers don't know how to act! Girl let me make up for the things you lack‘,cause you're burnin' up, I gotta get it fast!" He slipped a finger in between his pants and boxers, staring directly at Enjolras with his icy blue eyes. He didn't believe what he was seeing as Grantaire slowly removed his jeans, leaving him swaying his hips on stage while still staring at him.  
"Fuck." Enjolras breathed, watching Grantaire's eyes widen slightly when he noticed the considerable bulge in his pants. He tried to shift and hid it, but Grantaire only quirked an eyebrow and continued to sing while running a hand down his own torso.  
"Get your sexy on!" He stepped down from the stage and began making his way towards Enjolras's table.  
Feuilly, Bahorel, and Courfeyrac followed, still singing along,” Go ‘head be gone with it."  
"Get your sexy on!" They were getting closer and closer as he tried to move further back into the booth to hide his arousal.  
"Go ‘head be gone with it."  
"Get your sexy on!" Grantaire was at the booth, and had sat down next to his squirming leader. Slowly he inched closer and closer until they were only inches apart. "Let me see what ya twerkin' with."  
"Go ‘head be gone with it." The other boys started moving away as Grantaire got closer.  
The cynic placed a hand on the edge of Enjolras's shirt and began to push it up. "Look at those hips."  
"Go ‘head be gone with it." His mind was racing as Grantaire was placing his other hand over the tent in his pants, so much so that he didn't notice the other Amis slowly getting up.  
"You make me smile." He felt hands begin to unzip his pants.  
"Go ‘head be gone with it." Their voices were beginning to fade as the door opened and the other Amis left.  
Grantaire smirked, and pulled his trousers and boxers down. Exposing his raging boner. "Come here child. Damn." He breathed as Enjolras bucked his hips up, and moaned softly. The bar was completely empty now, with the end of the song rapidly approaching. "You ready?" Grantaire whispered the next line into his ear with a seductive purr.  
Enjolras rolled his hips, wondering in the back of him mind if Grantaire had planned this, and moaned back along with the song, "Yes!"

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I'm clearly going to hell...
> 
> http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5ryk7Nqsn1rq83lx.gif


End file.
